Ode to Jake

When he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night, And pay no worship to the garish sun......Shakespeare

My friend Bobbie's kitty died today. 1 p.m. est. He went in peace, in his mothers arms, after a short illness. I never had the privilege of meeting Jake, but from what I have heard about him, he was a very special kitty.

There are many people who do not understand the grief pet owners have at the loss of a "child". Some people don't like pets, some people have pet's but that is what the animals are to those people, pets. Then there are others, those of us who do not see them as "pets" but as a part of us, our children. No less than some view human children. And as too often happens with human children, these wonderful pets.....cats, dogs, it doesn't matter the pet, but they depart this earth before we do, and thus, we are left, the survivors, to grieve.

Some people can be very insensitive to we pet lovers who have had a loved one die. Insensitive is a kind word actually, for I think it is horrible when someone who hears about the death of your furry child looks you in the face and says, "get another pet". What I personally do is to glare at the person and say, "and if your child dies, you will go get another"? I know this is not the answer expected and it is not welcomed...but neither is the answer we hear...."get another pet".

Bobbie is in the depths of despair. She has Jake's "brother" Ari to help her through this time, but as anyone who has ever suffered a loss as this knows, the pain is there...raw...the hurt that words nor people, cannot help.

Jake had a charmed life. I know this because I know his "mummy". Ari does also. The words do not come to me in this time of sorrow for a dear friend, a sister. Words never do when the pain is so deep.

And to Bobbie, my sister, my friend....all I can give you is my love. And know that time, while it will not heal your sorrow, will allow you to think back on the happy memories and not the last stage of Jake's life.

To Jake....you are sorely missed. Be happy, be free, and visit your mummy.

HARRY

"Give me the boy until he is seven and I will give you the man".

Which means the character traits that form a man's personality are all in place by the time he is seven.

Thank goodness, then, that Harry spent most of his formative years with his mum because, now he is a man, there for all of us to see. And I weep!

Seven years ago I watched a young 12 year old mourn the death of his mother. He and his older brother William. They stood so tall, these two young boys, in the glaring spotlight of the entire nation. Tears in check, greeting people who were collapsing in sorrow, in grief, in tears. They walked behind their mothers coffin as it was lead, on a horse drawn cortege, and I wondered...how can they do that?

Much has been speculated about that long, long week, but this is not my purpose in writing today. This is about Harry, as in Prince Harry, Princess Diana's son.

I've always loved Harry. He has spunk, a cheeky smile, a wicked, self deprecating sense of humor. A sparkle in his eyes that transcend distance. You find yourself smiling back as you view a picture of him, or view him in video. Oh yes, he is a "typical" teenager, or was. Staying out late partying, smoking, did some pot, was caught..Oops..Papa wasn't pleased! But I love him for being HIM. A teenager! He has the sense of fun, the lust for life, the mischievousness his mum had.

Diana always said that Harry was "hers". William she knew would be "ok". He was "his fathers child" and would be King. Harry, she knew, would be in for the "second child" syndrome (even if it is a ROYAL second child syndrome). She and Harry were "soul mates". You could see it when they were together and I've seen it since Diana's death.

I think most people overlooked Harry for his older brother, William, as William bore such a striking resemblance to their mother. But I could see her in Harry. Ever since that awful August night when Diana was taken from her sons whom she was "besotted" with, I have watched and known that one day, ONE day, Harry would step up and do his mum proud. He now has, and in hearing his words, I weep.

Harry turned 20 the 15th of this month. No longer a teenager. I cannot believe little Harry is now 20! And he has proven to all to be the man Diana knew he would be, and I knew he would be.

My thoughts run at two different intersections, yet these intersections cross in harmony.

There has been much publicized in the past few days about Harry, besides it being his 20th birthday. He has recently returned from Lesotho, which is an AIDS ravaged African kingdom. He was there to visit the children with AIDS, to see what he could do, to help where he could. He said, "I believe I have a lot of my mother in me, basically, and I think she'd want us to do this". He goes on to say how he feels he is "no one special" but also seems apologetic in tone for the position he was born into, and his being there clearly showed is is very special indeed.

Continuing the work his mother had begun in her short life is wonderful in itself, but for me, I also heard, in the interview Harry recently gave, the first words about his feelings for his mother. This is a feat in itself. Puzzling to many I suppose, unless you are wrapped up in the Royal Family and know how they "work", or rather how they don't when it comes to displaying emotion, happy or sad.

As I said, I have always felt that if I were ever to hear about how William or Harry felt about their mother, it would come from Harry. (Hopefully one day William may choose to make at least a tiny portion of his feelings known to the public, but, being so much like Charles, this may not come to pass).

The interview Harry gave this week was indeed on behalf of the documentary he did on Lesotho, but he also opened up about his mum.

Harry has been hurting all this time, and, for me, I know I needed to hear him say what he did. "It has been a long time now, not for me, but to most people it's been a long time since she died.". (Oh no Harry, not to me either. The heartache will never disappear)!

From the few words he spoke, I know that Harry lives with the loss of his mum every day. It is fitting that this young man with the cheeky smile, love of life and concern for others should be the one to defend his mum's memory. "It's not a question of reminding everyone of what good she did", he continues, "because everyone knows that, hopefully."

All I can add to that is, yes Harry, I do know your mum was indeed a most rare and special person, and now all can see in you what I've seen all these years. God Bless you Harry...your mother is giving you that most beautiful grin of hers, and the hugs as only she can give.

Oh, to be Seventeen Again

Why can't life's problems hit us when we're seventeen and know everything? A. C. Jolly

Actually, things are going quite well for me, at this moment. (Sadly, I know better than to expect them to continue..ha). New job seems to be working out, but then one week hardly tells one anything. No, it isn't any life shattering thing, this blog of mine, but merely that I came across the above saying one day last week and had to smile. For it is SO true. Or is it myself that finds it so true?

When I came across this saying, I immediately was taken back to when I was indeed seventeen, and I recall so clearly how I just thought I was hot shit! I mean WOW! I, and my friends, well, come to think of it, all of us in this age range, we just had ALL the answers. Vietnam? Oh hey, WE could fix it (well, maybe we could have). World problems? Civil Rights? Heck, piece of cake, if "they" (meaning the "old people") would let US handle things.

Oh and of course the TRULY important things of life. Heading to the ocean and making sure you had the skimpiest bikini on..... heading to Disneyland for our Friday night ( I lived 10 minutes from the place) out. Back then you could get in with General Admission and cruise guys and have a blast doing so (and oh did the guys that worked there flirt)..Oh yea!

TRULY important things like the surf club at school...now is there REALLY any other reason to attend High School if not for the surf club? And what to wear? OH MY!!!

Oh yes, then there were those times when my girlfriends and I would be walking down the street, spot cute guys, and I always would turn my ankle...OH MY GOD! I COULD JUST DIE!! Or the HORRIBLE problem of wearing nylons, and a RUN would dare happen!! Causing me to want to DIE! I mean really, how COULD I get through school with a RUN in my nylons?

Oh I know there were MANY more things that went on, which of course were all HUGE problems that I, as a GROWNUP seventeen year old, had to "deal" with.

Boy, silly of me I know, but I certainly wish I could have those problems now and know they were the ONLY problems I would have.

And speaking of Bookmobiles..Do you remember....

The weekly bank days? Actually I cannot even recall the true name for this Thursday event. (ah yes, remembering the "bookmobile" has caused a plethora of memories to come flooding back).
At the grade school I attended, we had a little envelope which we would bring to school every Thursday with money in it. Upon being told, we would proceed to hand it to our teacher, who would, I presume, take them to the bank, deposit the funds in our "accounts" and return the envelope (and little savings book which was always inside the envelope) to us, to be returned the following Thursday.

What's funny is the one thing that I can recall so clearly, upon recalling the event at all, is that when I was in first grade, I remember this one boy, who was in the same class as I, telling me that he would give me his money if I would take off my clothes!! Stupid me...I said no! (what was I thinking? Money? NO?) Maybe it is good he didn't ask me when I was an adult! Hee Hee

The BOOKMOBILE

This word has resurfaced in my life. "Bookmobile". I am in the midst of reading a murder mystery and of all things to come across in the book was a sentence in which the detective is talking about the "library being closed" but that a "bookmobile" was open.

Bookmobile! Good grief! I have not heard this word since grade school. Upon reading this sentence, memories began flooding back to me. Thoughts I'd never think to remember again in this lifetime.

When I was in first and second grade, where I went to school there was a "bookmobile". It pulled up at the grade-school every Thursday and we were allowed to walk through this mobile library, searching out what would be a newfound treasure to read for the next week or two. Having always loved to read, this was so cool to the little child I was back then.

What happened to bookmobiles? Do they still exist? Or are they in small communities? Or do kids even desire to read as we once did?!

Wind, Wind, Wind....I'm ALIVE

Oh my God!! I awoke this morning to see the sun shining, the humidity low and most of all, the WIND blowing. OH OH OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is something about the wind that makes my total being just go crazy!!! I have NO idea what it is... (wish I could figure THIS one out). It is like I'm reborn when the wind is swirling about me.

This is not a new occurrence. My mother told me years ago that when I was a baby, being pushed in a pram, that I would poke my head out of the pram to let the wind hit me in the face.
I've been outside (it is still relatively early as I write this) a few times this morning, to stand, face uplifted to the sky, the wind blowing over my body..YES!

Now I'm sure the wonder of this wind is missed on the people in Florida. But for me? WOW!! There was one guy I was seeing, who would set up fans when we were having sex as ...well, too much information! :)

I'm going to enjoy this TOTALLY awesome day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Labor Day and summers end..What summer?

Wow! Labor day weekend is already upon us. But there seems to be something wrong this year....wait, I know! We never had SUMMER! Well, ok, so I'm speaking of "we" in the sense of we here in Minnesota. Now I won't even go into what my relatives in California say. Er-hum.

I had a brain fart the other day (well, for those of you who personally know me, this isn't an unusual occurrence, but still...), it was one of those rare days outside. You know, sun, low humidity and not too hot. and guess what entered my mind? (why, do tell us, Ms. Lady), so I shall... I thought "I'm so glad summer is finally here". Of course I immediately became aware of the fact that summer was LEAVING us. What? We had three days of sun, low humidity and temps and now it is downhill? WAHHHHH.................................(that's me whining)

My only hope is that we can have the temps we are having now, by which I mean, in the 60-70's, at least until Christmas....don't we deserve it?

Maybe to my fellow Minnesotans I'm sounding punch drunk in saying that...I suppose it is my California psyche that will always be in denial that we must endure the cold, and snow, for so long. Pooh!

THE (former) PRESIDENT AND I

OK, so it is in my dreams only!!

Just a few minutes ago I heard on CNN that President Clinton (ok, former to you, but this is MY post, and my delusion) will be having heart surgery tomorrow. This can't be possible...I cannot even say he has to have it because I wore him out! Oh man.

So who has the clout to get me to the hospital so I can cheer him up? HUH, HUH, HUH????

Brain implosion, er, mental implosion?

Ok! I'm perplexed! Is it just me or do others feel this too??! (oh dear God...it's probably just me and I'm putting the word out to the world...NUT CASE HERE)! LOL.

What I'm trying (in vain it appears) to say is this! In my journey in this current life. I have noticed a reoccuring issue with my emotional state. It appears, and I've just come out of one of these "states" so all is very fresh in my mind, that when I'm in a certain situation in life, hating my job, looking for a job, dealing with stressful issues, and I have a tendency to "implode".

Brain imposion....or is it "mental" implosion? It is what happens when you think you are getting through the "bad" so well. You call people, begin to cry, but state things such as "but I am doing fine", etc., etc., The crying continues and you really never know when the tears will flow.

It could be a Hallmark ad on tv, or a news item, or you find a picture you had forgotten about.
Also to be added to these lists are things such as driving home from the above lousy job on a particularly lovely day, smelling the smells of summer (the nice smells, not the sweat from people), and then you are crying. Or the song that plays on the radio or CD. Always songs. They bring up so many memories. The tears come...but HEY! I'm doing just GREAT!!!

THEN!! The embarrassment!! You get out of a bad situation, life seems to be looking good (so far you have not been slammed by the next crappy thing in life..that yin/yang thing you know) and anyhow, to your dismay you realize that, gasp! Once again you now realize you WERE a basket case! You, who thought, "hey, I'm the coolist chick, I can handle anything", is now the "oh my GOD! I really HAD lost it"!

Then begins the self examination.....how many people did I bring into my stupid whining state? How many do I owe lunch too? I KNOW I owe lunch to a great group of people at the photo lab. Lord, they should charge me for counceling!! LOL

Also in this self awareness, once again I say to myself, "Ok, now let's remember not only how you were emotionally but what caused it and make sure you don't let things get to this point again". And I say to myself, "I now know what to expect and in the future will deal with things differently".

UNTIL THE NEXT CRISES POPS UP..............and I react the same way...AGAIN! AUGH!!!