My Friend

Is dying.

She is a dear, sweet woman. I actually know her husband better than Kitte (her nickname). I’ve known them for three years, having met them when I began attending the church I’m going to. Her husband was the first person who greeted me that first, daunting time. They’ve had me over for breakfast and I’ve taken them out for their birthday’s and we’ve gone to dinner together.

October 27^th 2011 we met for dinner. A month later, when I got to church & saw Kitte, she looked terrified, as did her husband. Both intensely private people, they would only say they would let me know ‘next week’ what was going on. “Next week” was news she has cancer of the esophagus. Treatment was to begin the next week, for a month, 5 days a week.

I found out yesterday Kitte has been in hospital over a week. Roger can’t talk about it so I gather information from mutual friends at church.

I do not feel Kitte has much more time. I can only pray her suffering is soon over, but oh what will Roger do? They’ve been married over 66 years! True soul partners. I’ve never witnessed the true ‘oneness’ spoken about so often but never seen until I’ve witnessed them.

**UPDATE** since I composed this, Kitte is still in hospital, being fed through iv since she can no longer swallow. All treatment has stopped as her heart could not take it. I'll know more Sunday.

sigh

Three Months From Today

Is my birthday! The importance of this? Well, I'm still around, but this is one of THOSE birthday's. A 'big' number birthday. I've had a problem even thinking about it for a couple months. Now it is three months away and I'm still in panic mode. It simply cannot be! However did I get to be this age? Yes, I know all the people saying, 'it's better than the alternative' but that doesn't help. I'm talking about ME. Me who as those who know me would tell you, has never grown up. I'm still waiting to hit my 'grown up' stage. I look at others my age and THEY look adult, they've 'grown up'. Then I look at me! What's up with this? My Christmas picture was moi' holding teddy bears!

I need support for this! It is simply something I cannot think about. Maybe having written about it, will ease the panic?

The other thing is that I want a big party for this monumental birthday. Two problems. One, I don't know many people, and the second is since I don't tell my age, how can I have a party to celebrate the big event?

Toilets

Toilet's you're thinking? She's writing about 'toilet's'? What in the world? Well, let me proceed. But I *warn* people it's not the best topic to read about...as if the title didn't suggest this!

I never dreamed auto flush toilets vs hand flush toilets could be such a psychological thing.

This musing happened when I began the job I'm at back in summer of 2010. All toilets are auto flush. What soon happened, to my surprise, is when I'd use 'regular' toilets, be it at home or other places, I would have an instant thought of 'huh"?when I didn't hear the automated flush.

Conversely, back at work on a Monday I'd soon find out I'd be equally surprised then the auto flush would work. What has been interesting for me, is finding that despite working at the company as long as I have, I STILL have these thoughts. I keep thinking I'll get used to the two. But no.

Strange how psychological this has been, and my thoughts on it never ending, probably because I can't get used to both!

2012...2nd post

An update.

I had a royal panic attack just now as i decided to look over post from years back. I couldn't find them! Not having blogged for sometime I panicked at the thought of my blogs, my life, being gone. My memory isn't what it was, if it was ever good. Thankfully I kept clicking on icons and now see them. whew!

Happy 2012

My new years resolution? On day 2 of 2012 I want to begin blogging again. We all know what happens with most resolutions, but at least I'm trying.

Something occurred to me that I would like to share. Why it occurred to me only now, five years after reading what I'm about to write, I have no idea.

I was in California for a visit with my Cousin. Her mother, my Aunt, kept a daily diary. Her entire life was written in many books. I'd begun reading about her life on previous visits in 2004 and 2005. In 2006 I spent most of my week there reading to the end.

They were SO interesting! Short, concise, but never missing a day. Here is the interesting thing, for me anyhow.

When I had, oh, say completed 80%, it occurred to me, and I spoke aloud my thoughts to my Cousin, that my Aunt never once wrote about feelings. Not about emotions regarding her marriage, her children, not as far as feelings went.

Unlike this generation, and I, who shares just about everything, these diary's were totally absorbing without interjection of personal emotions. Yet, when I realized this, I was astonished (probably too strong a word) to realize her diary's were more interesting than most 'typical' diaries.

What did her diaries contain? She'd write about mundane things that happened each day. Going to the grocery store, which restaurant they were eating at, getting gas in the car, a vacation, having new carpet laid.

The difference was that without her knowing, and without my realizing for so long, is that my Aunt would list the hour things occurred, dollar amounts, etc. Not to brag or anything but simply to say, for example, "filled the car with gasoline today. Gas was up to 15 cents a gallon". She would put the cost of the food she purchased, the movies they went too and the price paid for tickets. The amount appliances cost, labor to install things.

When she would write about seeing others, i.e. her daughter and grandson, my parents, me, company from other states, it was simple, direct. She didn't evoke emotion, but stated so and so was coming or she saw so and so that day. Where they'd go and what they'd do.

What was so profound to me was the fact, as said above, that it didn't even occur to me until almost the end, that my Aunts diary didn't shed light on her innermost thoughts, feelings, emotions. I didn't learn anything about my Aunt that I hadn't heard from others. Yet, again as stated above, her diaries were more entertaining and thought provoking than all the 'all about me' books and diaries the rest of us write about.

I wish I could say I'll do that. But that isn't me. However, what I would like to do is not focus so much on my feelings, though they will be written, but also to jot down the 'little things'. How much did I pay for my gas today? What was a loaf of bread? How much snow we received. You get the point.

Now to begin...............