One Month from Yesterday

I close on my house.

I went through it again last night with a realtor. Took photos and measurements. I've already purchased a tv and computer which Circuit City has been so kind enough to hold.

Need some living room furniture. I'll look at lunchtime.

Sadly, I believe Joe and I have already seen what happens when people announce they are separating. Joe told our friend George on Saturday, as they were going to the Hockey game....when George also told Joe that he was trying to get playoff tickets for this upcoming weekend. He said he would let Joe know 'the next day'. if if he got tickets. Joe has not heard back.

I realize that if George has told his wife, they must be going through stuff too, as we read about when friends don't know how to react to their friends separations/divorces. I have not mentioned it to Georges wife, only sending her a short email last night not saying anything but sounding upbeat.

I feel bad for Joe. He has done nothing. Neither of us have really. We love one another but just cannot live together. We both firmly believe we'll be in one another's lives forever.

I wish our friends would at least ask how things are instead of presuming.

And I can say this. I need friends so much. Not George and his wife as she would NEVER understand the lifestyle Joe and I have, but friends. Desperately need friends. To lean on, be there for me....

Yea, selfish sounding, but I'd be there for them in whatever capacity I could if the roles were reversed.

So selfish I am... maybe the only redeeming thing in saying this is that I admit to it.

sigh.

A New Beginning

Doesn't mean I'm not going crazy. Emotions are and have been running all over the board.

I bought a home. A condo. It has all happened so fast. Looked at a place a week ago yesterday, offered on Monday, was countered on Tuesday. Accepted the counter offer Tuesday and close April 11th.

It is one thing to talk to your partner about a separation, it is another to actually do so. When you are separating from your soul mate, physically if not mentally, it is a killer. We console one another with the fact I'll be a few minutes away as well as a phone call. That he and I will be over to one another's places whenever. That if things don't go well, I'll move back.

All the psychological words said to ease the pain of reality.

Some days are better than others. Today is not one of them. It is so hard to imagine my not being met at the door by my cat, Tippy. (He is Joe's cat so I can't up and bring him with me). Little things we take for granted are what hurt the most. Reading the morning papers together. Laughing at something we read.

Having someone to look at, grin at, be pissed at. Little things... they are what end up being the things that make me cry so many tears I didn't know I had the tears within me.

Anguish......