Skewered Emotions

This is a first for me in that I'm copying a blog I wrote in "myspace" here. But it is something I wanted to write, and write it on this, my "official" blog as well as in my "myspace blog".

Here it is.....

I hate it when I cannot figure out why I feel the way I do. Why emotions seem so crazy.

Just a few days ago I found out my sister's cancer has spread to "stage 3" and aggressive chemo will soon follow.

Yesterday I found out that a former coworkers wife suddenly died. (Well, suddenly after being diagnosed with cancer two months ago). I have been crying for this person whom I've never met since i heard the news.

Why do I not cry for my sister but cry for my coworker and his loss? I know the tears will come for my sister. What I don't know is when.

Actually, I believe I know the reason I've been crying for my coworker and his loss. You see, this is a kind, gentle man who had one of those marriages we all grow up reading about but few have. A couple who are true soul mates, who want nothing but each other. Earthly possessions never mattered to them, as long as they had one another.

My coworker told me one day a few months ago that everything he and his wife wanted in life they found in one another. They've been married decades.

All I have been able to do is cry for Nicks' loss. At his loss for his best friend, for his life partner, his soul mate. I felt the saying is so true... "why do bad things happen to good people"?

And I cry for myself, for the path my life took ventured far from the path I thought it would be growing up. I look longingly at people like Nick and the precious marriage he had, and am sad for the fact I shall never know the feelings he was lucky and blessed to have.

An Inconvenient Illness

I have been informed that my sister is in "stage 3" of her cancer. I have always found it interesting how, in my case anyhow, no matter how much knowledge I think I have on certain things, when these things hit close to home, I'm like, "WHAT"? "What does that mean"? Are we talking months? Are "they" saying the strong chemo may "get it"? Tell me all!

It proves all the more difficult when you are dealing with a person who has lived (or so it seems to me) a life of denial. Now reality is setting in. My sister, and I love her dearly, will continue, I feel, to be uninformed of what may lie ahead, and she is not one to want to know what lies ahead.

So I just wait, as do my siblings and other relatives.

And try and understand what "stage 3" means.........

Marcellas Reynolds... Help!

Marcellas~ I am so happy you are back from your Big Brother experience. I loved seeing you, viewing you I guess I should say. I went to reply on your blog but alas, I'm not a "team member". HELP! I miss our "comments" to one another. :(

Update on.....Life

First I must report the joyous news that Andrea brought home her precious baby, Damien, on Friday. This is great news and I'll try and get the pix she sent to me via the cell phone uploaded and post it here.

I begin a new job tomorrow. I hate beginning new jobs, but I also do not believe in staying someplace you hate, and I grew to hate the place I was at. Not the coworkers, but the management, it's style, or lack thereof. So pins and needles for my next new journey. Oh to be born wealthy instead of good looking! JUST KIDDING!!!

My homelife took a unique (if that is the word) turn a week ago today. Some things I cannot write about on my blog, sad to say, because of that which I mentioned in a previous blog..... people see and report things. So just to say that a LONG overdue conversation between the person I cohabitate with and myself went down and things presumed but never spoken were finally said. While verbalizing the previous unsaid things caused both of us, I believe, to be happier, and there is not the tension in the air as I felt there was at times. Still and all, it was a bit numbing initially to know what we both thought of each other and all.

Another person in my life is still there, as far as I know. Having fun, learning about one another, it's been great. Some down times but that, I feel, is part of learning about someone. How long it will last? Who knows. The way I look at it is to enjoy the moment. That is the extent of what I will say on this topic.

Stay tuned............................................................

Words don't really mean a lot in this case

Here is a picture of my brother and myself, taken this past week in Utah. I haven't any photos of us together so suffice it to say this picture is a VERY special picture to me. I love him so much and am so happy I have this picture of us to share.

Home from Utah

I arrived home from Utah last night. What must surely be a commuter plane actually made it, but I can tell you I was praying with all my might as we were tossed about the plane in the turbulence. Don't know if it was because of storms or not, but it really doesn't matter when you are going through that.

Utah was AWESOME and not just because of the State or scenery. I got to reconnect with my brother and sister in law, as well as my nieces. I got to meet some of their kids too! I am already looking forward to going back and I'm excited about emailing and getting to know my family.

Now to rest up.......which I think I've been doing much of the day. :)