Skewered Emotions

This is a first for me in that I'm copying a blog I wrote in "myspace" here. But it is something I wanted to write, and write it on this, my "official" blog as well as in my "myspace blog".

Here it is.....

I hate it when I cannot figure out why I feel the way I do. Why emotions seem so crazy.

Just a few days ago I found out my sister's cancer has spread to "stage 3" and aggressive chemo will soon follow.

Yesterday I found out that a former coworkers wife suddenly died. (Well, suddenly after being diagnosed with cancer two months ago). I have been crying for this person whom I've never met since i heard the news.

Why do I not cry for my sister but cry for my coworker and his loss? I know the tears will come for my sister. What I don't know is when.

Actually, I believe I know the reason I've been crying for my coworker and his loss. You see, this is a kind, gentle man who had one of those marriages we all grow up reading about but few have. A couple who are true soul mates, who want nothing but each other. Earthly possessions never mattered to them, as long as they had one another.

My coworker told me one day a few months ago that everything he and his wife wanted in life they found in one another. They've been married decades.

All I have been able to do is cry for Nicks' loss. At his loss for his best friend, for his life partner, his soul mate. I felt the saying is so true... "why do bad things happen to good people"?

And I cry for myself, for the path my life took ventured far from the path I thought it would be growing up. I look longingly at people like Nick and the precious marriage he had, and am sad for the fact I shall never know the feelings he was lucky and blessed to have.