Christmas

It's here again!

When did I become a scrooge?!! Didn't set OUT to be a scrooge. Some Christmas's I am SO "in the mood". This year is not one of them.

The department I work in is doing a "Secret Santa". I REFUSED to be a part of it. Good grief. I am SOOOO uncreative, that is all I need to add to my already about ready to commit suicide life...to try and think up a gift for a week!

Don't even get me started with the people! YIKES! Shopping, which on the best of days I abhor, is beyond any word I can think of. Want a migraine? Go into a store.

And the presents! Please! When we get together with "friends" on Christmas Eve, why can't we just get together? Why exchange gifts? Especially when those "Friends" are total opposites than you and you have NO idea what to get them, and have NOT had any idea for the past 10 years!! But I try. I give gift certificates (which I personally love getting myself), then walk around trying to find something which they MAY like.

It's pretty bad when you realize you have scoured eBay and cannot find anything!

My boss asked me, when I refused to be in the Secret Santa, why? I wanted to say some smart alack reply. But for once I was totally honest with her. "Why"? I relied, "Because everyone in my family is dead! Some years are better than others, but it comes down to the fact I want December to just be over as all I have now are memories of what once was, and can never be again. I'm an orphan!"

She didn't reply.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. It isn't like I'm unique in my feelings. The suicide rate over the Christmas holidays is higher than at any time. It appears there are many lost souls out there.

Odd thing is, is that I DO believe in what Christmas stands for........I just want it to return to what it is supposed to be!