DIANA

And when he shall die, take him and cut him out into little stars. And he will make the face of heaven so fine, that all the world shall fall in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun.".......Shakespeare

So apt the above quote from Shakespeare, however, for me, it is meant for a woman. It is often said that there are some things which are so deep, so intense, that there truly are no words. I find this the case when trying to put into words my feelings on Diana.

DIANA! Beauty, flawed, radiant, plain, a Lady, a Princess....a human being....she was such a bright star that I suppose I should have known we could not have grown old together....not in the normal sense of "together". I watched as she came on the "scene", oh so many years ago, yet only yesterday it seems. I watched as she dated her Prince, winced as I saw the look in her downcast eyes as she heard her husband to be say in reply to "and you sir, are in love"? "whatever in love means" he said. A stab in the heart for Diana, and yes, me too, for her. And how many missed, or didn't want toread into, or believe it was not a "perfect fairytale"?

Diana was human, she struggled with all the human complexities in life...being a teenage wife, a young mother, dealing with in-laws, on and on....but while doing so, having the entire nation watching every move. I (and indeed many others) was there, excited at the birth of her firstborn, William. Almost as much so as she and her husband were. When little Harry arrived we again rejoiced. I was there for what I could visually see happening also. Diana's turmoil's, her sorrow, her eating disorder, her insecurities, her desire to be loved, yet finding rejection at every turn. We were there and we understood. For we, the common people, have also dealt with these issues. Bad marriages, eating disorders, in-law problems, and on and on.

Diana became not only a Princess but who, in later years, was termed "the people's princess". (a phrase I am to understand she began to dislike).

We cried when the strain and stress of dealing with such turmoil became too much and she broke down in tears in publc...We wanted to hug her and tell her how much she was loved. But sadly, we could not. All we could do as "regular" people was to write her, hoping that our thoughts and feelings would somehow give her the strength to continue on, knowing she was indeed loved.

For me, she was my life...my breath...I truly lived because of her. Upon awaking I would read the papers to see what picture, what article, of her would be in the news. I'd make sure to tape every item on the television in which I felt she would be discussed. Daily visits to the bookstore for any new magazine and book were a part of my daily routine. My clothing reflected what she wore. I got into charity work because of her...for I knew that if she, in all her life's stuggles, could do this, then I, with my daily job, could also give of myself. Thank you Diana. Seventen years...it went by so fast.

Then.... on an August night in 1997 the unthinkable happened. For we here in the United States it was on the 30th...Where Diana was it was the 31st...12:17 a.m. to be precise....

I cannot, even now, "go there"...to that night. I cannot live that night over again...Oh yes! Indeed I can recall every second of that night. But it is not within me to even put into words, the minutes, turning into hours....I cannot go there....nor do I wish too.

But I shall say this....there were more than three lives that ended that night in Paris. Life as I knew it also ended. The unspeakable grief, the unimaginable had happened.....How? HOW HOW HOW!! WHY!! WHY WHY WHY!! Her last day was not even lived happily...Her last moments were in tears....She walked to a car, drove off into a tunnel, and she was no more....and life would never be the same.

The days passed in a blur for me...going through the motions, a robot, the week before her funeral would take place. Her boys, her life....while I was so involed in my own sorrow, I could not think of what they must feel...I just thought it odd actually, that they appeared to be holding up better than myself.

Diana knew my grief. When she journeyed on to her next life, she could then see the love we had for her. She DID know my grief. And I'll tell you how I know. She came to me in a dream the night before her funeral. I shall never forget the blessing she gave me by coming to me. Sadly it wasn't for long. I'm sure she had many others to console. But she came just the same, she stood in a doorway. I was in a darkened room, and on the other side of the door was light. She stood at that door, but looking back at me. I know I was crying. Then that smile, oh that glorious smile, was given to me...yes me! She smiled, she lifted her arm in a slight wave and just before she walked through that door she said to me, "I'm ok now, please do not worry any longer". And I awoke.

Seven years......life is not the same...it never will be again....but oh the blessing of having known her...so now, again, I try to say adieu. Yet I cannot say goodbye because I cannot bear the thought of you Diana, being only a memory when I selfishly want you to be a living, breathing human being. But as I know too well, this can never be. I must hold on to the precious memories you have given me. I thank you for the most wonderful ride in my life. Nothing can dim who you were and will always be. Yet, I feel adieu is what I must do, in some way, for you deserve the peace that sadly eluded you on this earth.

So Diana....dear, sweet, beautiful Diana....I give you back to the One who created you. Until we meet again.....Goodnight Sweet Princess.