ALONE
The immediate thought I believe most people feel at hearing the word "alone" is solitary.
It is not.
Alone is what I am. Alone is how I feel. Alone is when you have so many questions. When you desire to have someone, a friend, an acquaintence, someone who will listen and give honest advice. Alone is when there is no one there to ask and receive.
I am alone! Not solitary alone. But VERY VERY MUCH alone. Horribly alone.
Not only do I co-habitate with someone, but I am in a somewhat strange relationship with someone I have been seeing for several months.
The intense feelings are all new to me. I'm totally honest in saying this. Everything that I have never felt, or believed one could feel, everything I have always made a joke of, has now come to bite me in the butt.
No. I do not wish to get out of my homelife situation. Not at all. Nor do I, at this time, wish to discontinue the relationship I have outside my home.
But the relationship I have outside the home has caused me to have so many feelings and and emotions and I am going crazy in trying to think and see clearly. To say I can't "see the forest for the trees" is EXACTLY how I feel.
To have someone whom I can say "this is how he acts, this is what he says (or doesn't say)", To say, "I feel this way when he does, says this. Am I rational? Am I wrong"? On and on.
Oh to be able to have someone to listen as I say "this is what I hear, what I see, how I react to such and such. To say to someone, this is how HE reacts to such and such". But most importantly, what I wouldn't give for someone who, at the end of my talking, would tell me what HE/SHE thinks upon hearing what I have to say. Maybe I would see things much more clearly if I could get my pent up feelings out in the open. I truly believe this.
I've always been a firm believer in communication, yet communication is what I have zero of. I have no one to tell what I am going through, and no one who can listen and tell me what they hear.
That is........................................ALONE
And I feel I'm falling deeper into the darkness.
posted by Lady of the lake @ 6:08 PM
8 Comments:
...you still owe me a cup of coffee...
Oh Professor! Name the time & place & I'll buy you a pitcher of coffee.
Being thick of head is my forte, but, I can't really agree with yer assessment of being "alone" alone, as I have come t'visit many times, but have been left adrift, as it were.
OK, so, maybe it is my sensibilities, or lack of, but, still.
I did come t'talk and listen.
and, Jean, Fellow Alligator Walker sent me this....thought y'might like it.
Maybe it'll help, maybe it won't.
This explains why I forward jokes.
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as
he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind."
Soooo...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.
So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime
boneman, I really liked what you posted. I had not thought of fwds in that way. Thanks for lending an ear.
...call me...
Professor, when did you post the "call me"? OOPS. Did I miss an opportunity to call the Professor? Augh.
Thank you for a most enjoyable evening. :)
Thank YOU, Professor! An enjoyable evening indeed!! :) :)
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